I was reading the other day about a guy that was frustated because his prayers and positive-thinking practices were not producing any results. He asked Joseph Murphy about it and after a long conversation, Joseph told the man that the reason his prayers were not being responded
was because the man spent most of his time thinking and feeling bad about all the things that were
bothering him. Joseph went on to say that when a person presents the mind with two conflicting ideas,
the mind tends to favor the dominant one, which made sense. I identified with this man and shared in his frustration, and this is what I am going to talk about.
How little we know ourselves! The mind is such a powerful force. If right now I don't have the job that I want, photography gigs are not pouring in, girls are no-where to be seen, money... just not coming in, then there must be something extremely wrong with the way I am thinking things.
Sometimes the feeling of "I am not good enough" subconsciously prevents us from getting out there and enjoying ourselves. In myself, it has to do a lot with women. I have loved beautiful women all my life. I am attracted to them like bees are attracted to honey, and I wish I could have 100 for myself. Don't get me wrong. I was married for 8 years and I am a father of a teenage daughter. I had dated lots of girls, but I rarely held a lot of serious relationships. When I meet someone new and we go on a date,
I get nervious, and if I see that we are going have sex, I get reeally nervious, a mess. Can it be that the reason I am attracted to intelligent, beautiful women is trying to prove myself and the rest of the world that I am just just a regular, cool guy and not the wreck, not-good enough and miserable dude that I feel I am inside?
The anxiety, the fear, the lack of serious relationships, the absense of women outside making lines in my building fighting to get in; all subconcious tricks of giving importance to some and none to others is a an indication of how I really see myself; my own self value. Just like our relationship with others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves; our relationship with ourselves is a reflection of how we treat others... Everything is connected.
How about jobs? My marital problems and separation made me very depressed and I lost focus. I lost my position at Bergdorf's with the collapse of the economy back in January of 2009. 10 months later, while I was looking for employment, I accepted to work for Burberry where i was making half of what I made in Bergdorf Goodman. Then, when I saw I needed to move on, I started looking for jobs and a famous Boutique called Jeffreys hired me to work for them. I was going to make around 90k, it was very good comparing to what I was making at Burberry. But then, at the same time, Saks wanted me to work for the contemporary shoe salon on the fifth floor. I was very confused and asked around. Everyone told me Saks was the best choice. My gut feeling told me to stay at Jeffreys, but I didn't listen. And today, 5 months later, I can only wish I had the power to turn back time.
The problem with Saks, is that for some reason, the management decided to hire an additional 10 people and now no-one is making enough to make ends meet. It's a big mess. My question is: if the mind has the power to make things happen, was it my mind that created the horrible conditions at my department at Saks, or did it bring me there because it was the only place where my current patterns of thoughts regarding what I think about what my own value is, what I think I deserve as my working conditions, the boss, the company, etc? I had applied to other companies and they have passed me even though I had excellent qualifications. The stuff that really strikes me is this: Saks has two shoe department. One very similiar to the one at Bergdorfs, and the one I am at right now. The fact that they didn't consider me for the more high-end one is evidence that of my poor mentality.
I also work photography as a freelancer. I have done a lot of family location shoots, headshots, portraits, product, etc. and I am also a trading assistant at eBay. I am one of those people that people hire to sell their stuff, but I am not working hard enough, and I am not at the leven in my photography business where I think I should be. It's frustrating!!!!!
"The way we do things is a direct result of the way we think about things" All I am doing right now is making a connection regarding my thoughts, and my experience in living. There is a flip side in all this negative stuff; by realizing how much it has affected me, it makes more aware of its power in shaping my destiny. You see, knowing is not the same as believing. knowing is a powerful conviction, whereas belief is just a thing of the mind and not of the heart.
Thanks for reading.
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