(14-365) Excuses excuses excuses

It's 2:08am.  I am supposed to be dead asleep, but because of my promise of doing a blog entry once a day, here we go.

Today was a very wet day in New York City.  I stayed home most of the day and decided to do a little cleaning.  I live in a fairly large apartment,  two bedrooms,  one bath, one kitchen,  and one large living room.  I started organizing my closets, and spent the whole day doing so.   The reason I am taking so long to organize my two closets (haven't finished),  is because of all the eBay stuff I had stored there.

For the last 5 or so months,  I have been complaining that I don't make enough money to support myself.  Complaining that all my doors are closed; that opportunities have not come up.  The feeling is terrible.  Not having enough money to buy what you need to buy, and constantly be in want can make any person go over the edge from time to time.  It kept me in want  not so much for my lack of opportunities, but becase of how I feeling inside.

I had lots of opportunities; interviews with fine companies, which made me scratch my head in more than one occasion when they didn't hire me.   It is definitely better said than done,  but when we are putting out the vibration of misery and want,  it is very difficult to see the many opportunities that surrounds us.

I had made plans to go the Dominican Republic on a short trip so I could see the beach, take pictures and drink lots and lots of rhum.  I renewed my passport, and took those days off from work,  but at the last minute,  I said to myself "Hans,  what in the world do you think you are going to do?"  I said that because for a long time, I had been meaning to replace my Canon 50D SLR camera for a 5D Mark II, the full sensor, professional SLR.  I wanted that camera because once a photographer has a 5D Mark II,  he or she is considered to be a professional photographer, and therefore he is taken seriously.  So I decided against not going to my home country and bought the camera instead.  I also put my old 50D up for sale on ebay and craigslist for 750.00.  In actuality,  I will be only investing around 1500 on the new camera, the same that I would have spent on rhum and women.

While I was organizing the closets,  I noticed I have hundreds of pieces of clothing still not listed online.  I thought to myself "If money is one of the issues in your life Hans, why on earth don't you put all these things up for sale? "  I was always too busy to do it, too tired,  not in the mood, etc.  But maybe, since my main object of attetion was the fact that I lack money and not that I wanted money,  making it was not so much in tune with how I was feeling at the time: like a poor bastard.  That feeling (we are talking about the law of attraction, pay attention) also was making my checks go from 700 dollars a week to less than 200.  It was an awful feeling indeed.

But thanks to my Income Tax refund, I was able to pay lots of bills,  buy clothes,  and the new camera.  I I am going to get all the necessary gear that I need to promote myself and not have the feeling that I need this, or that I need that, etc.  I am going to work my ass off from now on.   I decided to quit chatting on facebook,  it was taking a lot of my time.  And I will work on ebay every single day of the week.  I will also read my industry books,  join professional organizations, network with other people,  continue to work on rebuilding my relationship with my family members,  my exercise routine, and my love life.

Today was a very good day.

Thanks for reading, good night.