I promised I was going to write every day, but I have no idea what to say.
It was a nice day at work. I felt as if I was at Bergdorf's, the way I behaved with customers anyway. I am unique, I know. If you are making 100 times more than me, fuck you for comparing yourself with me. pick someone else to delight in your miserable existence.
I had a date I was looking forward to and it got cancelled. Instead of getting angry or depressed, I decided to think different. Frankly, I don't give myself the credit I deserve
Fuck, I don't know what to write, sorry people. I am going to bed. My Sister Biembenida is 40 today. it is a rainy day in New York City. I went to church and prayed. I prayed so I could get the fuck away from my luck. Sorry. I remember this day as the day I had nothing meaningful to say.
My ex wife is pregnant. My daughter is 13. I have no girlfriend. My fiannces are in turmoil. My job I hate. How do you want me to think?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
(18-365) Fear
Fear is a big subject to talk about in just one entry, however, the type of fear that I am talking about is the one that prevents us from expressing ourselves with authority and self-confidence; in other words, fearless.
Fear is a huge problem of mine. It is embedded in my speech and manifests itself in how I speak, what I speak and how I express myself. I want to bring attention to this issue of fear so that I can have a better understanding of its effects in my life.
When I write something, I make sure that I let my thoughts come out and not think of it too much until I finish saying what I want to say. Before I let anyone to read it, I first proof read what I wrote, and fix all the mistakes. In talking, however, I don't have that luxury. My words are taken as the final product as soon as they come out of my mouth. I can easily see how important it is to really think of what I am going to say before I say it.
Even thought I do this sometimes, the habit of thinking before talking is not in my repertoire. I don't necessarily refer to the words and sentences that we use in our every day language, but the feelings behind our sentences. This is especially evident when I ask questions or make requests. If fear is overwhelming, anything that comes out of my mouth is bound to be misunderstood due to the fact that fear forces my words to be unclear and my actions to be bizzare; weird to comprehend.
From now on, every time I decide to do something, I will willingly commit my heart to it so I can get it. Next time I find someone very attractive, I will go for the price and not chicken out. If photography is my next thing, I will give my heart to it. I will do what I need to do to succeed. I will talk to the right people and get all my questions answered so that I will have no more excuse to be extremely successful. I will not fear success anymore.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Sorry for all the "I's"
Hans.
Fear is a huge problem of mine. It is embedded in my speech and manifests itself in how I speak, what I speak and how I express myself. I want to bring attention to this issue of fear so that I can have a better understanding of its effects in my life.
When I write something, I make sure that I let my thoughts come out and not think of it too much until I finish saying what I want to say. Before I let anyone to read it, I first proof read what I wrote, and fix all the mistakes. In talking, however, I don't have that luxury. My words are taken as the final product as soon as they come out of my mouth. I can easily see how important it is to really think of what I am going to say before I say it.
Even thought I do this sometimes, the habit of thinking before talking is not in my repertoire. I don't necessarily refer to the words and sentences that we use in our every day language, but the feelings behind our sentences. This is especially evident when I ask questions or make requests. If fear is overwhelming, anything that comes out of my mouth is bound to be misunderstood due to the fact that fear forces my words to be unclear and my actions to be bizzare; weird to comprehend.
From now on, every time I decide to do something, I will willingly commit my heart to it so I can get it. Next time I find someone very attractive, I will go for the price and not chicken out. If photography is my next thing, I will give my heart to it. I will do what I need to do to succeed. I will talk to the right people and get all my questions answered so that I will have no more excuse to be extremely successful. I will not fear success anymore.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Sorry for all the "I's"
Hans.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
(17-365) Thinking...
Today was a very slow day at Saks, nothing exciting happened there, after Saks, I came home, made something to eat and went to the gym. After that I sat in the computer the whole night (not on facebook). It was not a really nice day anyway.
Thinking habits are hard to break. I don't know if the reason I don't have a lot of time to do what I want to do is due to the fact that I am just screaming that all the time, or because am really not taking full advantage of all my free time. Since what we think and say becomes true, then I have to stop declaring those things that don't serve me; things like "there is just not enough time."
I kept my promised and texted a lot of people and said hi, and most of them held a brief conversation with me, which was good, but not good enough. I have to figure this "I don't have time, money, energy" problem and come up with a really good solution now! That's all I have.
Thanks for reading.
Thinking habits are hard to break. I don't know if the reason I don't have a lot of time to do what I want to do is due to the fact that I am just screaming that all the time, or because am really not taking full advantage of all my free time. Since what we think and say becomes true, then I have to stop declaring those things that don't serve me; things like "there is just not enough time."
I kept my promised and texted a lot of people and said hi, and most of them held a brief conversation with me, which was good, but not good enough. I have to figure this "I don't have time, money, energy" problem and come up with a really good solution now! That's all I have.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, March 7, 2011
(15-365) The difference between positive and a negative mentality
Today was my first day at Saks. After spending three days at home off from work I realized how great it is to be away from such a negative environment. Having the habit of thinking negative thoughts is a very hard thing to come out of. After all that I have read about the power of negative thoughts, the law of attraction, and the dynamics of getting what one wants, it is mind blowing that I let myself get drawn to that horrible way of being.
For five months or so, I was in misery. I couldn't see past my plight. I was moneyless, powerless, depressed, and in want. I told my story to everyone that lent me his or her ear. I dwelt on the feeling of not being able to do what I wanted for a very long time. I didn't even have money to buy gas. But when I started changing the way I talked, a feeling of power started to emerge.
I can clearly see now how powerful thought is. Most people, when they talk very negative always justify their perception of reality as the real thing. If you were to tell them that they were worsening their experience by the words that came out of their mouth, they would tell you that they are not negative people, but realists. What they don't know, is that what they see is in effect a creation of their minds.
Today I went to work with a positive outlook, and surprisingly had the best day I had in months. I could still hear in the background the negative conversations of my co-workers, and saw how they fed off from that misery. I chose not to take part of it. I communicated with my customers; impregnating a very positive, humorous personality and leaving them feeling a little better than what they felt when they first saw me. It was good. I plan to stay that way.
There is no reason for me to fall back on the habit of being miserable. I have plenty of things to sell on eBay, the good health, and energy to avoid that to happen. I am perfectly capable not only on having enough to survive, but on having control of my finances once and for all. I am now building my future and my resources. I thank God for being the provider of my life.
I am very happy that I changed my diet. I once heard that the people of a rich neighborhood and the ones from a poor neighborhood think differently because they eat differently. Are people's lives a product of their diets or are their diets a product of their lives? I think both are very connected. When you change one the other is changed as well. Change does not happen automatically. But with increased strength, mental energy and good health, it is fair to say that our actions, however trivial, tend to have a powerful effect in our lives.
I have to make it a habit to communicate with my family. Tomorrow I am going to start texting them more often and communicate through that first, then little by little I will include calling them and checking up on them. The ultimate goal in that respect will be to spend more time with most of them.
Thanks for reading, good night.
Hans.
For five months or so, I was in misery. I couldn't see past my plight. I was moneyless, powerless, depressed, and in want. I told my story to everyone that lent me his or her ear. I dwelt on the feeling of not being able to do what I wanted for a very long time. I didn't even have money to buy gas. But when I started changing the way I talked, a feeling of power started to emerge.
I can clearly see now how powerful thought is. Most people, when they talk very negative always justify their perception of reality as the real thing. If you were to tell them that they were worsening their experience by the words that came out of their mouth, they would tell you that they are not negative people, but realists. What they don't know, is that what they see is in effect a creation of their minds.
Today I went to work with a positive outlook, and surprisingly had the best day I had in months. I could still hear in the background the negative conversations of my co-workers, and saw how they fed off from that misery. I chose not to take part of it. I communicated with my customers; impregnating a very positive, humorous personality and leaving them feeling a little better than what they felt when they first saw me. It was good. I plan to stay that way.
There is no reason for me to fall back on the habit of being miserable. I have plenty of things to sell on eBay, the good health, and energy to avoid that to happen. I am perfectly capable not only on having enough to survive, but on having control of my finances once and for all. I am now building my future and my resources. I thank God for being the provider of my life.
I am very happy that I changed my diet. I once heard that the people of a rich neighborhood and the ones from a poor neighborhood think differently because they eat differently. Are people's lives a product of their diets or are their diets a product of their lives? I think both are very connected. When you change one the other is changed as well. Change does not happen automatically. But with increased strength, mental energy and good health, it is fair to say that our actions, however trivial, tend to have a powerful effect in our lives.
I have to make it a habit to communicate with my family. Tomorrow I am going to start texting them more often and communicate through that first, then little by little I will include calling them and checking up on them. The ultimate goal in that respect will be to spend more time with most of them.
Thanks for reading, good night.
Hans.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
(14-365) Excuses excuses excuses
It's 2:08am. I am supposed to be dead asleep, but because of my promise of doing a blog entry once a day, here we go.
Today was a very wet day in New York City. I stayed home most of the day and decided to do a little cleaning. I live in a fairly large apartment, two bedrooms, one bath, one kitchen, and one large living room. I started organizing my closets, and spent the whole day doing so. The reason I am taking so long to organize my two closets (haven't finished), is because of all the eBay stuff I had stored there.
For the last 5 or so months, I have been complaining that I don't make enough money to support myself. Complaining that all my doors are closed; that opportunities have not come up. The feeling is terrible. Not having enough money to buy what you need to buy, and constantly be in want can make any person go over the edge from time to time. It kept me in want not so much for my lack of opportunities, but becase of how I feeling inside.
I had lots of opportunities; interviews with fine companies, which made me scratch my head in more than one occasion when they didn't hire me. It is definitely better said than done, but when we are putting out the vibration of misery and want, it is very difficult to see the many opportunities that surrounds us.
I had made plans to go the Dominican Republic on a short trip so I could see the beach, take pictures and drink lots and lots of rhum. I renewed my passport, and took those days off from work, but at the last minute, I said to myself "Hans, what in the world do you think you are going to do?" I said that because for a long time, I had been meaning to replace my Canon 50D SLR camera for a 5D Mark II, the full sensor, professional SLR. I wanted that camera because once a photographer has a 5D Mark II, he or she is considered to be a professional photographer, and therefore he is taken seriously. So I decided against not going to my home country and bought the camera instead. I also put my old 50D up for sale on ebay and craigslist for 750.00. In actuality, I will be only investing around 1500 on the new camera, the same that I would have spent on rhum and women.
While I was organizing the closets, I noticed I have hundreds of pieces of clothing still not listed online. I thought to myself "If money is one of the issues in your life Hans, why on earth don't you put all these things up for sale? " I was always too busy to do it, too tired, not in the mood, etc. But maybe, since my main object of attetion was the fact that I lack money and not that I wanted money, making it was not so much in tune with how I was feeling at the time: like a poor bastard. That feeling (we are talking about the law of attraction, pay attention) also was making my checks go from 700 dollars a week to less than 200. It was an awful feeling indeed.
But thanks to my Income Tax refund, I was able to pay lots of bills, buy clothes, and the new camera. I I am going to get all the necessary gear that I need to promote myself and not have the feeling that I need this, or that I need that, etc. I am going to work my ass off from now on. I decided to quit chatting on facebook, it was taking a lot of my time. And I will work on ebay every single day of the week. I will also read my industry books, join professional organizations, network with other people, continue to work on rebuilding my relationship with my family members, my exercise routine, and my love life.
Today was a very good day.
Thanks for reading, good night.
Today was a very wet day in New York City. I stayed home most of the day and decided to do a little cleaning. I live in a fairly large apartment, two bedrooms, one bath, one kitchen, and one large living room. I started organizing my closets, and spent the whole day doing so. The reason I am taking so long to organize my two closets (haven't finished), is because of all the eBay stuff I had stored there.
For the last 5 or so months, I have been complaining that I don't make enough money to support myself. Complaining that all my doors are closed; that opportunities have not come up. The feeling is terrible. Not having enough money to buy what you need to buy, and constantly be in want can make any person go over the edge from time to time. It kept me in want not so much for my lack of opportunities, but becase of how I feeling inside.
I had lots of opportunities; interviews with fine companies, which made me scratch my head in more than one occasion when they didn't hire me. It is definitely better said than done, but when we are putting out the vibration of misery and want, it is very difficult to see the many opportunities that surrounds us.
I had made plans to go the Dominican Republic on a short trip so I could see the beach, take pictures and drink lots and lots of rhum. I renewed my passport, and took those days off from work, but at the last minute, I said to myself "Hans, what in the world do you think you are going to do?" I said that because for a long time, I had been meaning to replace my Canon 50D SLR camera for a 5D Mark II, the full sensor, professional SLR. I wanted that camera because once a photographer has a 5D Mark II, he or she is considered to be a professional photographer, and therefore he is taken seriously. So I decided against not going to my home country and bought the camera instead. I also put my old 50D up for sale on ebay and craigslist for 750.00. In actuality, I will be only investing around 1500 on the new camera, the same that I would have spent on rhum and women.
While I was organizing the closets, I noticed I have hundreds of pieces of clothing still not listed online. I thought to myself "If money is one of the issues in your life Hans, why on earth don't you put all these things up for sale? " I was always too busy to do it, too tired, not in the mood, etc. But maybe, since my main object of attetion was the fact that I lack money and not that I wanted money, making it was not so much in tune with how I was feeling at the time: like a poor bastard. That feeling (we are talking about the law of attraction, pay attention) also was making my checks go from 700 dollars a week to less than 200. It was an awful feeling indeed.
But thanks to my Income Tax refund, I was able to pay lots of bills, buy clothes, and the new camera. I I am going to get all the necessary gear that I need to promote myself and not have the feeling that I need this, or that I need that, etc. I am going to work my ass off from now on. I decided to quit chatting on facebook, it was taking a lot of my time. And I will work on ebay every single day of the week. I will also read my industry books, join professional organizations, network with other people, continue to work on rebuilding my relationship with my family members, my exercise routine, and my love life.
Today was a very good day.
Thanks for reading, good night.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
(13-365) Bad habits...
We are indeed creatures of habits.
It is true. If you don't make a plan and stick to it, you just follow your habits. Today I took my daughter to Costco to buy a lot of much-needed supplies. I had a lot of things planned for today, and time just evaporated, couldn't do much of it, habit is a bitch!
My mother, my father, my little sister Stephanie, my aunts... I could have arranged to visit them, but somehow, I just didn't. Was it because I didn't want to see them or because I am not used to seeing them.
A habit must be created. Just as going to the gym is a habit, visiting/calling your parents is a habit as well.
Tomorrow I have off. I will go to the gym (didnt go today), and I will arrange to see my little half-sister, brothers, and father. I haven't seen him in a long time. I have to make a commitment to see the most important people of my life in a regular basis. This will be so.
I decided to make Saturdays or Sunday my break-my-diet days. I will pick one or the other from week to week. And I am going to lift weights every other day. The days that I am not lifting weights I am going to spend it doing areobic excersises. One hour at least. As for diet, I am going to continue on eating salads, smoothies, lots of tea and water.
Thanks for reading.
It is true. If you don't make a plan and stick to it, you just follow your habits. Today I took my daughter to Costco to buy a lot of much-needed supplies. I had a lot of things planned for today, and time just evaporated, couldn't do much of it, habit is a bitch!
My mother, my father, my little sister Stephanie, my aunts... I could have arranged to visit them, but somehow, I just didn't. Was it because I didn't want to see them or because I am not used to seeing them.
A habit must be created. Just as going to the gym is a habit, visiting/calling your parents is a habit as well.
Tomorrow I have off. I will go to the gym (didnt go today), and I will arrange to see my little half-sister, brothers, and father. I haven't seen him in a long time. I have to make a commitment to see the most important people of my life in a regular basis. This will be so.
I decided to make Saturdays or Sunday my break-my-diet days. I will pick one or the other from week to week. And I am going to lift weights every other day. The days that I am not lifting weights I am going to spend it doing areobic excersises. One hour at least. As for diet, I am going to continue on eating salads, smoothies, lots of tea and water.
Thanks for reading.
Friday, March 4, 2011
(12-365) Expect the best!
New beginnings...
Lots of people go through rough times. But the difference between those that get over it and the ones that don't is in their thinking.
If you are going through a rough time and hate what you are going through, I feel your pain, it's a tough situation indeed. But if you see the situation temporary and you are expecting things to get a lot better, I guarantee you, they will.
I own a Volkswagen Passat 2003, and since December of last year, I haven't driven the car. It has a big problem, the heater doesn't work. The though of spending money to fix it was an impossibility. For months, I was going to work making less than enough to make ends meet. But I never considered myself a failure, but that I was going through a very rough time, a temporary one.
Today I received my income tax refund. For the first time in months, I will be able to pay for the things that I need to help my business move forward. I need new lenses, new clothes, a new camera, a laptop computer, new equipment, everything is going to happen this month, and I am excited that it will be so. God is great.
Today is a day of celebration. It is a day of greatness. I have enough money to finally fix the problems that I have with my car, by my plain tickets, pay bills, buy groceries, clothes, etc. Isnt' that great? I saw my daughter today and told her I was going to take her shopping on Sunday.
The business cards that I made are amazing. It is going to be a great year indeed. I expect that it will be so.
Thanks for reading.
Lots of people go through rough times. But the difference between those that get over it and the ones that don't is in their thinking.
If you are going through a rough time and hate what you are going through, I feel your pain, it's a tough situation indeed. But if you see the situation temporary and you are expecting things to get a lot better, I guarantee you, they will.
I own a Volkswagen Passat 2003, and since December of last year, I haven't driven the car. It has a big problem, the heater doesn't work. The though of spending money to fix it was an impossibility. For months, I was going to work making less than enough to make ends meet. But I never considered myself a failure, but that I was going through a very rough time, a temporary one.
Today I received my income tax refund. For the first time in months, I will be able to pay for the things that I need to help my business move forward. I need new lenses, new clothes, a new camera, a laptop computer, new equipment, everything is going to happen this month, and I am excited that it will be so. God is great.
Today is a day of celebration. It is a day of greatness. I have enough money to finally fix the problems that I have with my car, by my plain tickets, pay bills, buy groceries, clothes, etc. Isnt' that great? I saw my daughter today and told her I was going to take her shopping on Sunday.
The business cards that I made are amazing. It is going to be a great year indeed. I expect that it will be so.
Thanks for reading.
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